Rubber Ducky and Co
by MagicSocks
Summary: (A.K.A. the Waffle-Night fic) When Legolas' rubber ducky gets sucked into another world by Galadriel's mirror the fellowship goes after it having no idea what impact this may have on their worlds. LotR Xanth crossover.
1. Of Ducks and Elves

Xanth Meets the Fellowship

Chapter 1 – Of Ducks and Elves

Summary of Chapter 1: Legolas looses his precious rubber duck in the mirror of Galadriel and has a royal cry-fest. The fellowship decides to go after the rubber duck affectionately named "Ducky" by Legolas. In the process Merry gets knocked out, Boromir looses his socks, Gandalf blackmails Pippin, and Celeborn holds a meeting on coffee tables. :D

Aragorn nearly jumped out of his skin as Legolas ran into the small house shared by the fellowship sobbing uncontrollably. Clearly something was wrong. After collecting his wits after Legolas had ran by, Aragorn looked at Merry and Pippin who were sitting is a nearby corner busied with their favorite hobby, plotting, at least he thought that was what they were doing. Merry and Pippin looked up clearly disturbed (unlike Boromir who was still oblivious to the commotion as he was hunting for his socks) by the bawling elf that was now crying on his bed loudly. Aragorn caught the hobbit's eyes and gave them a What-did-you-do-to-upset-him-this-time glare, oddly the hobbits looked innocent, that was a rare occurrence.

Aragorn had been sure Merry and Pippin has caused Legolas' great distress, after all who could forget when they stuck gum in his hair in the mines of Moria…Legolas had screamed so much he woke up the balrog. Or the time when they tossed Legolas' shampoo off the side of the Cahadras, That also involved a lot of screaming as he remembered; Legolas screaming in horror, Merry and Pippin screaming in fear as Legolas held them over the edge of the cliff by their furry feet, and Gandalf yelling urgently at Legolas to put them down. Aragorn would have helped Gandalf if he weren't laughing on the ground with Gimli, Frodo, and Sam.

Aragorn would have been content to sit and remember all the times Merry and Pippin had infuriated Legolas but unfortunately there was an elf still sobbing on the bed; and his wailing was getting more high pitched by the minute, so he could either risk loosing his hearing or try to find out what was wrong. Aragorn stood up from his chair by the door and went to the bed where Legolas was crying.

"What happened?" Aragorn inquired with a reluctant sigh. Legolas choked out his answer between sobs; "I-I was, going t-to take a b-bubble bath. And-and … DUCKY!" he wailed like a distressed chimpmunk.

Aragorn glanced at the hobbits that were now behind him to see if they had understood a single thing the elf had just said; the hobbits looked back at him just as confused as he was and shrugged their shoulders in unison. Aragorn turned back to the sobbing elf, "Erm, is Ducky a nick-name of one of your elf friends?" Aragorn inquired hoping to find out what exactly was wrong. Legolas with tears running down his face replied, "H-he's my rubber dduukkeeyy" Legolas cried. Aragorn was disorientated, "His rubber duck…oh Eru…" he thought to himself. Merry however, was eager to help and jumped in "what happened to Ducky, Legolas?"

Legolas had started to calm down a bit he was still sobbing but at least he had stopped howling. "He got sucked into G-Galadriel's mirror" Legolas said with tears. Pippin was confused, "So you were going to take a bubble bath and your rubber duck got sucked down into Galadriel's mirror? How did you manage that one?

Merry leaned over towards Pippin, "erm, Pip, I think he was going to take a bubble bath in Galadriel's Mirror. Pippin looked disgusted and then hurriedly hid his expression lest Legolas see it and get upset again. Too late, Legolas was wailing again. Aragorn shoved the hobbits out of the room as they clapped their hands over their ears. Aragorn tried to get the elf to stop crying.

Legolas had now begun to gain control of himself again now and was hiccupping. "We'll go find your rubber duck in the morning", Aragorn said reassuringly. Legolas' tensed expression lifted a little. "You promise we'll find him?" he asked rather pitifully. Aragorn replied simply, "sure if it'll shut you up…"

By the next morning the entire fellowship (and the rest of the population of Lorine) had found out all about Legolas' rubber duck. Aragorn doubted it was the fact that they all heard Legolas crying, although elves had excellent hearing; he was reminded of this by two guilty looking hobbits, whom he knew loved to gossip.

The entire fellowship (including Boromir; he had stopped looking for his missing socks long enough to come) and Celeborn were all gathered around the mirror of Galadriel in the garden sitting on assorted coffee tables; they had tried to get some folding chairs but they had run out because someone coughELRONDcough Had borrowed all of them for a council meeting and not returned them.

When Celeborn had summoned them all here to deal with this matter Aragorn asked him why, as it was not his problem to deal with. Celeborn simply responded that he felt responsible and walked away a blush creeping up his cheeks. Aragorn was confused…how could Celeborn be responsible for loosing Legolas' rubber duck?

All was at peace and normal in the garden, everyone was deep in thought about how they could handle this situation. That is except for Merry and Pippin, they were fighting over the mahogany coffee table, Pippin had refused to trade it for the oak one Merry was sitting on.

"Come on Pippin!" Merry said desperately, "I am older than you, you know! AND you owe me for taking the blame for the firecracker you put in Gimli's sleeping bag!" Merry almost whined. Pippin managed retaliated with confidence, "First of all, your only 7 months older than me; and second you were the one who came up with the idea to put a firecracker in Gimli's sleeping bag in the first place!" Merry grumbled a bit, blushing, and quickly glanced over towards where the dwarf was seated. Thinking of a new argument he took a big breath and opened his mouth to speak but there was a loud thunk and his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he sunk to the ground unconscious. Gandalf stood behind him with his staff where Merry's head had been a minute ago. "Now we may have some peace! And if you don't shut your mouth you fool of a Took I'll knock you out or find a worse punishment…" Pippin gasped his eyes showed his absolute horror as he whispered in a high-pitched terrified voice, "You wouldn't… Would you!" His eyes grew bigger and more scared. "Ai, I would, so behave yourself!" Gandalf stated and returned to his cherry wood coffee table between Gimli and Aragorn. Pippin sat up strait as if someone held a knife to his back, his eyes wary with fear.

Aragorn leaned over in his chair to come closer to Gandalf and whispered quietly, "What would you do to Pippin that terrifies him so much? Gandalf chuckled softly, "he is afraid that I would tell someone else something I know about him…Aragorn looked serious and thoughtful, then looked at Gandalf, what is it you know? Gandalf spoke almost silently, "his middle name…"

The meeting went on unhindered by the hobbits, or anyone else for that matter. It was decided that they would go after the duck, because no one wanted to suffer the piercing wail of Legolas if they said 'no'. They decided to leave after lunch; the hobbits (at least those who remained conscious) had refused to set out on an adventure (where a meal was uncertain) without a full stomach. Celeborn also agreed that it would be best for them to eat before they set out…Where they would go no one seemed to know or care really, after all why would they think about that when they were hurrying to go get some food? In their haste to get edibles they did not only forget about the mission but about Merry also.

Merry was left sprawled out on the grass by the mirror of Galadriel still unconscious while the others ate their lunch with the elves. Although he was left alone he was quite safe in the garden, the only creatures that passed by were a pair of squirrels. They were quite confused to see about a dozen random coffee tables surrounding an unconscious hobbit lying on the grass and only poked him a couple times before running off for some random reason. They assumed it was more of that 'modern art' stuff.

Elves are not all to familiar with the culture of hobbits, or their eating habits; the elves for their noon day meal usually ate sweet fruit filled pastries…that consisted of about 99.99 sugar. The Hobbits not usually subjected to such amounts of sugar in their systems immediately became super hyper. The elves were concerned at first they had no idea why the hobbits started bouncing around giggling insanely they were convince they had caught some disease until Aragorn explained it all to them.

After the fellowship had eaten lunch they went back (or rather bounced back for the hobbits) to their quarters and gathered their packs (Boromir had quite a time tiring to find his socks; Gimli finally found one of them in the blender) and went back to the garden to look for Celeborn; after all they had no idea where they would go to find the rubber duck.

Celeborn looked at the fellowship, there stood a king of men (who hadn't washed his hair in a year as it appeared), A captain of Gondor (who could have been out witted by a potato, and was wearing only one sock), an elven prince (who was currently arranging his shampoo and conditioner in his pack), a wizard of magnificent power (who was picking his nose), a gardening hobbit (who was staring at Frodo, with a slack expression), a ring bearer (practicing his on-the-verge-of-tears expression), a professional mischief maker (who was silently replacing Legolas' hair spray with super glue while no one was looking), And a unconscious lump (who was drooling).

Celeborn shook his head in dismay thinking to himself, "couldn't Elrond find people better than this! I mean he might as well put Gollum in the fellowship while he was at it! Celeborn looked at the ragtag bunch once again and sighed, "they'll have to do I guess."

Celeborn began his dramatic speech; "You will now venture into a unknown land, on a quest to obtain Legolas' rubber duck. Do you accept to see this mission through to the end?" There was a chorus of yeses, Pippin could be heard clearly saying: "as long as waffle night continues I shall see this mission through." Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Well is that everyone?" Celeborn asked. Frodo kicked Sam in the shin; Sam came back to reality with a jump and quickly said, "Yes, I would like some French toast!" Frodo shook his head in hopelessness.

Celeborn cleared his throat and ignored it. "You will be traveling through the mirror"; at this the fellowship all went "Oooo!" Celeborn glared at them. "You simply have to touch the surface then you will be transported to another realm"; Pippin started to go "Oooo" again but then stopped because he was the only one and Celeborn was giving him the death glare.

Celeborn was quite eager to get them as far away as possible by now, and told Legolas to go first because it was his rubber duck they were chasing after. Legolas went up to the mirror and looked at the water, "Oooo! Pretty!" he squealed, "I see a tree, and another tre-" Celeborn had pushed the elf into the mirror and Legolas was swiftly sucked through the surface of the water. "Who's next?" Celeborn inquired cheerfully though his expression was slightly crazed. The fellowship backed away from Celeborn slowly.

Celeborn was not discouraged, he went over to the unconscious lump on the grass that was Merry and picked him up and dunked his head in the mirror, and he was gone in a blink of an eye. Pippin was panicking, Merry was somewhere, unconscious and he wasn't. If he didn't go who would help him steal all Boromir's socks? Who would help him hide every spoon in the house on soup day? Pippin lost it. He started running around, arms flailing and yelling, then tripped over a coffee table and fell into the mirror. Sam heard Gimli mention something to Gandalf about mad cow disease.

Meanwhile

Legolas landed face first on a cold hard floor, his head spinning. He lifted his head to try and find out where in the heck he was. He was in a hall; there were at least two doors and a staircase. He put his head down again to try and stop the hallway from spinning around crazily. All of a sudden a heavy body fell on top of Legolas and he jumped up causing the body to roll off of him on to the floor. He looked down to see Merry lifeless looking on the floor and completely lost what little sanity he had. He began running around Merry waving his arms about screaming " DEAD HOBBIT! DEAD HOBBIT! EWW IT TOUCHED ME!" in about two and a half moments a woman in a full-length green dress came running up the stairs followed by a girl in blue jeans. They stared at the elf that at noticing their presence stopped running and screaming, said "Hullo!" pleasantly, before another body dropped out of nowhere and landed on his head causing him to fall to the floor.

floor.f1fs20par 


	2. Insane Elf on Aisle Five

**Chapter 2 – Insane Elf on Aisle Five**

_Summary of Chapter 2:_ Ivy and Electra find an insane elf in the hallway of castle Roogna who is followed soon by eight others who call themselves the Fellowship of the ring. Electra and Ivy have to try and keep the fellowship from killing themselves.

Ivy and Electra were downstairs in the kitchen untangling a rope of string beans when they heard voice screaming something like "Dad Haw-bit" she couldn't tell what exactly the voice was screaming. Electra and Ivy abandoned the rope of string beans and ran up stairs to find the source of the voice. In the hallway outside of Dolph's room they found what looked to be a man with long blonde hair with pointy ears in strange clothing running around like a maniac waving his arms and yelling. The man stopped yelling and running as they stood at the top of the staircase and turned to them saying, "Hullo" politely before another person fell out of the thin air right on to his head knocking him to the ground.

Ivy went "Eeek" getting a good three e's into it just a princess should; Electra almost cursed under her breath for forgetting again when to say "eek" before realizing cursing was un-princessly as well. They now noticed there was another person who had been on the floor, a child from the looks of it. So now there was three people lying in the hallway. The strange blonde man was trying to get up again now. The child who had just fallen out of the ceiling was now talking, presumably to the blonde man; "Oi, I fell like I may have eaten too many of those elvish pastries" the blonde man wiggled from underneath him as fast as he could saying loudly "EWW! don't barf on me!"

The blonde man walked up to Ivy and Electra now free of the other two. He introduced himself gracefully "Hello my fine ladies", Electra giggled, " I am Prince Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood from Middle Earth. Whom may you be?" Electra heard the other person now standing behind Legolas muttering something like "Show-off". Ivy took over " I am Princess Ivy of Xanth, and this is Princess Electra who is betrothed to Prince Dolph. Who are your companions?"

Legolas was happy that they were kind and started to tell them about the hobbits behind him. "This is Peregrin Took" He said indicating the hobbit that stood behind him " everyone calls him Pippin, and that is his cousin", he pointed to the lump on the floor, "Meriadoc Brandybuck, he goes by Merry. They are hobbits of the Shire. A person fell from nowhere and landed on top of Merry. Legolas continued uninterrupted, "That's Boromir, captain of Gondor. Another person fell out of thin air and landed on Merry and Boromir. "That's Gandalf the Gray, He's a wizard. Legolas said. All of a sudden yet another two people fell on the pile. And that's Gimli son of Gloin a dwarf from Dale. And Frodo Baggins, the ring bearer, he is from the Shire too. Ivy was astonished by all these people falling out of nowhere into the castle, "is that all of you?" she asked Legolas shook his head "Aragorn, and Sam are missing"

Meanwhile

Finally the only two of the fellowship were left, Sam and Aragorn. "Your next Sam" Aragorn said gravely. Sam took a step towards the fountain and peered in for a second than began to back away slowly. "Well Mr. Strider, um, you see, I can't swim very well so I think I'll just-"; Sam dashed away at full speed mid-sentance. Aragorn had seen it coming sprinting towards Sam, he dived. The small hobbit was faster than he had guessed so Aragorn ended up with a face full of grass and dirt. He did however manage to grab Sam's ankles thus tripping him too. Sam was thrashing about wildly kicking and screaming, trying to get away from Aragorn. Aragorn spit out the grass in his mouth and sat up getting a better grip on the flailing hobbit's foot. Aragorn proceeded to stand up still holding Sam's ankle and drag him towards the mirror. Sam was panicked; He was clawing at the grass seeking a hold as if it was his last hope, he managed to find an old tree root and clung to it for dear life. Aragorn tugged and pulled, he couldn't get the hobbit to let go. Aragorn gave up the dragging technique grabbed Sam around the waist and threw the hobbit over his shoulder. Sam started to kick and scream with twice the energy of before as Strider managed to lug him closer to the mirror. Celeborn meanwhile had watched this whole ordeal and was rolling on the ground near the mirror laughing; Aragorn made sure to give him a meaningful kick before walking the last few steps to Galadriel's mirror and touching the water.

Meanwhile

"Who are Sam and Aragorn" Electra asked Legolas respectfully, Legolas answered her in equal politeness, "well Aragorn is the heir to the throne of Gondor, and Sam is Frodo's gardener." Just as he finished saying this Aragorn and Sam fell to the floor. Aragorn was holding a kicking and screaming Sam in his arms tightly trying to avoid being hit by his thrashing fists and feet. Sam was screaming something about not being able to swim. Aragorn released Sam as soon as he could and hurriedly scooted away. Sam stopped yelling and looked around to find the entire fellowship and two ladies staring at him. Sam blushed dark red. Aragorn explained, "He refused to go through the mirror because he can't swim so I had to drag him…"

Ivy and Electra were still bewildered; even if they now knew who they were they still had no clue as to who they were. Electra plunged into it, "So Why are you here?" Legolas looked at Electra, "we are here on a mission…" the elf's eyes were tearing up. " To rescue my-my…" Legolas couldn't continue due to the fact that he was now a sobbing heap on the floor, in fact he was of no more use that Merry was at the moment. Aragorn patted the wailing elf awkwardly on the head and faced Electra, "Well you see his rubber duck (Legolas cries louder at the word 'Duck') kinda got sucked into your world so we have come here to find his Du- uh I mean…thing." Aragorn said, attempting to maneuver around the word du- uh I mean Clears throat yeah…

Later (Merry is conscious and feeling better and Legolas has stopped bawling)

Ivy sat in the library with her head in her hands, how was she going to explain this to her father, Dor? That nine members of the fellowship from a different world had dropped out of nowhere into castle Roogna on a quest to find a rubber duck! Oh well she would just have to deal with it. She looked up to find Electra chasing around the hobbits and the elf that had just stolen a cherry bomb. Electra was screaming to give it back and that it wasn't safe; she had just succeeded in getting Pippin into a corner when he threw it over her head right to Frodo. Electra gasped as there was a small explosion and Frodo was in the middle of it. Electra ran to get the healing elixir as the rest of the Fellowship were too busy laughing at the hobbit that had been blasted. One thing was for sure…the Fellowship had to be educated…


	3. When Aragorn Learned to Read

**Chapter 3 – When Aragorn Learned to Read…**

_Summary of Chapter 3: _Ivy, Dolph and Electra try to teach the Fellowship about Xanth…. In the process Aragorn has an astounding number of flashbacks and Gandalf is barely prevented from discovering his inner…erm…um…just read it!

Dolph was in the form of a see-gull getting some practice in this form while spying when he saw a very weird sight at castle Roogna. Deciding to ask Ivy what was going on he swooped down and changed to boy form. There before him was Ivy and Electra standing in front of nine people sitting on the grass; three were tied up, a tall blond guy and two short curly haired ones, they also had gags. Ivy turned around to face Dolph and then said to the people on the grass in front of her. "Every one has a talent in Xanth, a magical ability only they can perform. Since Electra's talents and mine can't be easily demonstrated we'll have Dolph demonstrate." Dolph knew by her tone of voice if he didn't do it she would hurt him.

Electra shoved Dolph in front of the odd assortment of people. "Hello, I'm Dolph…" Dolph began but Pippin interrupted, (A/N: yes I know he's gagged…but Xanth is magic…) "we already know your Dolph, but why are you naked?" Dolph looked confused…"what's wrong with being naked? It's not like I'm attending a party or something." Aragorn answered him with giving a meaningful glare to Gandalf "Because it is NOT proper to be without clothes…Right Gandalf?" Gandalf muttered something inaudible. "Dolph was a tad confused here and continued, "it may not be proper not to wear clothes in your world but in Xanth-" Dolph had been stifled by a hand clamped firmly around his mouth that was owned by Aragorn who hissed in his ear "I need to speak with you NOW…" Not waiting for Dolph's consent Aragorn dragged Dolph over behind a clump of shoetrees before he released him. Aragorn looked around to make sure none followed him before facing Dolph, "under no circumstances are you to tell the others that it is ok to walk around naked in Xanth, do you understand?" Dolph was further confused (he confuses easily) "but it IS ok to walk around Xanth without any clothes…" Aragorn looked around quickly to make sure no one had heard what Dolph had said. Aragorn sat down ant put his head in his hands, "it all began in the year 2326 in the second age…flashback

A young Aragorn (A/N: or should we say Estel) is walking along a river…just a river, it didn't have a name, it was nothing special, just a river…Dolph clears his throat Erm, yeah…Aragorn was walking along a river when he came to a path, just a path, nothing special, it wasn't quite a road, if it was a road it didn't have a name, just a plain simple… Dolph clears his throat again Ok, Ok!…

Aragorn is walking along a river when he finds a path so he follows the path, cause he didn't recognize it. When he comes to a sign, now Aragorn couldn't read very well yet, he was still young.

(A/N: Keep in mind most people in middle earth are illiterate, for example Gimli, in RotK when they take the paths of the dead Legolas read the engraving on the paths of the dead out loud, and when they were at the walls of Moria in FotR Gandalf read the inscription not to mention… Dolph clears his throat glares at Dolph)

So the young Aragorn cannot read very well yet but attempts the read the sign nonetheless. He recognized the first word, "Rivindell" That's where he lived. He attempted the next word on the sign "for – for - est- Forest! Aragorn was proud and tackled the next word with confidence; Nu -nud…ist…nud-ist (A/N: he said it so the first syllable rhymes with mud) Aragorn didn't know this word so he racked his brain for what to do…

Flashback (A/N: I know I know…a flashback within a flashback, it's weird but just deal with it)

Even younger Aragorn is sitting at a desk in a classroom while the teacher is talking to the class. The teacher smiled at her students "now what do you do if you don't know a word?" cricket-cricket cricket-cricket the teacher just ignores the silence and continues, "Look at the picture, and see if you can figure out the word from what is in the picture!"

End of flashback #2

Young Aragorn looked at the sign, there wasn't any picture…

Flashback

The even younger Aragorn was in class with his hand up, "yes Estel what's your question?" the teacher asked in a sickly sweet voice. "Um, what if there aren't any pictures?" Then you skip the word and figure out what it is by reading the rest of the sentence…"

End flashback #3

The young Aragorn looked at the sign and saw there was another word…. Re - Re - Tre - at…re-tr-eat…Retreat! Aragorn had read the sign, but he couldn't figure out why anyone would want to go to a nud-ist retreat…Aragorn untroubled by the strange sign continued along the path till he heard voices. Aragon hid behind a tree; the voices came closer. One of the voices was familiar but he couldn't place it… the voices came closer. Aragorn suddenly realized to whom the voice belonged. It was Gandalf! He hadn't seen him for almost two years now. No longer frightened Aragon jumped out from behind the tree to greet the wizard. Aragorn took one look at Gandalf…gasped and fainted.

Aragon learned a new word that day…

End flashback #1

Aragon took a deep breath trying to remove the memory from his head "you see, a the slightest mention that it is ok to walk around Xanth without clothes, Gandalf might dis-cover his inner nudist again, Aragorn Shudders and the rest of the fellowship would be, for the lack of a better word, offended; or perhaps tremendously disgusted would be a better term. (A/N: Ha Ha! get it? Dis-cover…. Un-cover...cricket-cricket Oh forget it…)

Dolph considered it thoughtfully, would the wizard be happier if he could go around naked? But what about the others? Dolph looked at the warning look on Aragorn's face…that solved it. "Ok I won't tell them about Xanth being more laidback than your world when it comes to clothing…"Aragorn breathed a sigh of relief.

When Dolph and Aragorn rejoined the group Ivy was demonstrating her talent. "If I perceive Legolas, Merry and Pippin as being calm, I can make it come true…" With that Ivy and Electra removed the ropes and gags that bound the elf and two hobbits. Miraculously they remained still. Boromir, Gimli, Gandalf, Frodo, And Sam had their mouths hanging open…the elf and the hobbits, they were sitting still, and they weren't tied down…they weren't even ill. "Wow…that's some powerful magic there," Sam breathed in awe. Frodo had gone to investigate; Frodo poked Pippin …he didn't move he just looked at him. "Wanna go run around screaming like maniacs?" Frodo asked Pippin. Pippin just shrugged his shoulders then yawned. Frodo backed away "Whoa…scary…they are not going to stay like this, are they?" Ivy shrugged her shoulders; " I suppose if you really enjoy chaos I could put them back to normal"

Frodo considered, it was much more peaceful with them being all quiet but it was really really scary…Merry and Pippin might even stop stealing Boromir's socks if they stayed like this…that means there would be no more time spent laughing at Boromir searching for his socks constantly; that's no fun…and if Legolas stayed calm that means waffle night wouldn't be near as much fun as usual…"You better turn them back…" Frodo said reluctantly. Ivy nodded; it would be better this way in the long run, even if it were more chaotic. Ivy concentrated on how they were rambunctious at heart and soon Legolas and Merry were tickling a squealing Pippin with some cattails that were meowing in protest.

After Pippin had begged for mercy and they had all settled down Pippin became aware of the fact that Aragorn and Dolph were back, only Dolph was wearing his clothes now. Pippin insistent on his questions, perused his earlier inquiry (A/N: load of big words there)"So Dolph what was your excuse for being naked then?

Dolph took this opportunity to correct their view of Xanth, "Because I can't transform with clothes so I don't wear them when I transform." Legolas who was actually paying attention interrupted, "Yeah sure, and I'm prince of Mirkwood! Legolas began to laugh loudly. Boromir tapped the laughing Legolas on the shoulder "you ARE the price of Mirkwood, Legolas…." Legolas' head snapped up and he looked around at everyone staring at him. "Oh, yeah…" Legolas slunk off to some corner silently.

Dolph continued, "Really that's my talent; I can transform myself in to any living creature at will". The fellowship all went "Oooo!" as Dolph demonstrated by becoming a Centaur, then a naga, and then a Steamer dragon, which frightened Sam so much he screamed. The Fellowship, Ivy and Electra all laughed. Legolas breathless said, "the look on your face Sam it was priceless Snort" there was a moment of silence as everyone looked at Legolas…Elves didn't snort…then they all started laughing again.


	4. Got Orcs?

**Chapter 4 – Got Orcs?**

Summary of Chapter 4: The Fellowship decides to travel to the good magician's castle to ask for talents of their own. Before they leave everyone gets presents (A.K.A. Stuff Ivy, Dolph, and Electra dug out of Grey's old closet) 

As they were eating dinner that night, the fellowship discussed Xanth, "Those talents are so cool! I wish I could do something like that!" Merry said through a mouth of cream pie.

"Yeah that would be cool" Mused Legolas staring intently at a crack in the ceiling.

Electra who was listening to their conversation voiced an idea "you could go and ask Humfury for talents…" Pippin sat up straight in his chair " you mean there is a way we could do cool stuff like you guys? Awesome!" Electra tried not to give them false hope, "they probably won't be magician level talents like Ivy's and Dolph's, besides the good magician charges a years service for his answers…" Frodo spit out the breadfruit he was eating " A YEAR!" Electra Shrugged he shoulders "since you probably won't be staying long he would probably give you another task, he also might go easy on you seeing as your from Middle Earth and all, inter world relations are important to him…" most of this went over Boromir's head after all he wasn't too bright, "so we go see this guy and we do him a favor and he gives us cool talents?" "That's the gist of it" said Electra.

Boromir smiled, "lets do it then! He'll probably just have us kill orcs or something". Ivy who had been listening in piped up now, "What's an Orc?". Boromir looked shocked…"you don't know what an orc is! You know big, ugly, smelly…." Legolas looked at Boromir, "you just described yourself you know…" this didn't register in Boromir's brain apparently as he continued with urgency in his voice, "You do have Orcs here don't you!" Ivy shook her head. Boromir began to panic, "What am I going to do! What will I kill? I'm useless here if there are no orcs to kill that's the only thing I'm good for! Boromir stood up and left…usually when he did this he went to kill some orcs to vent but since there were no orcs in Xanth, Aragorn feared for the local squirrels' safety.

Aragorn, Ivy, Electra, Dolph, and Frodo sat down to discuss their journey to the good magician's castle; Boromir was still off hunting squirrels, and Sam and Gimli were watching the tapestry, Legolas was off somewhere mourning the loss of his beloved ducky, and Merry and Pippin were no doubt using this time to hide all of Boromir's socks.

When do you want to leave? Dolph inquired, Aragorn thought about it, "tomorrow morning would probably be best, tomorrow is Thursday." "What's so great about Thursday?" Electra asked. Frodo almost yelled "WAFFLE NIGHT!" Dolph's eyes widened in surprise at the hobbit suddenly being so loud. Aragorn attempted to explain, "every Thursday is waffle night, and well things get a little crazy" Aragorn remembered a Waffle Night two weeks ago when Gimli was playing the banjo in a toga during a game of bingo…"Ok really crazy…" Dolph nodded, "so you'll leave tomorrow morning? Aragorn said, "sounds good to me"

Next morning

The hobbits woke to Gandalf yelling in the doorway, "rise and shine!" Pippin rolled over and groaned, "It's not even nine o'clock yet Gandalf! It's not time to get up yet!" Gandalf walked in the room and poked Pippin repeatedly, "oh yes it is time to get up…especially for hobbits who don't want me to tell anyone th-" Pippin shot out of bed and was in the bathroom before you could say "Stupid-Fat-Hobbit". Now Gandalf had only three more hobbits to deal with, he smiled evilly…

Sam was woken up harshly by icy cold water all over his face. Still sputtering Sam screamed, while his arms flailed around; Gandalf laughed, "serves you right Samwise!" You'll wake up next time when I tell you without a fuss no doubt about that". Sam wore a face that showed his intense fury towards the laughing wizard. Without taking even three-quarters of a moment to consider Sam took a glass pitcher sitting on the nightstand that was filled with water and dumped it on Gandalf's head (he had to stand on the bed to reach his head mind you) Gandalf stopped laughing abruptly and glared at Sam. Sam sensing he didn't have long to get out yelled "Frodo! Merry! get your butts out of bed this instant!" Frodo reacting much the same way Pippin did at first rolled over and said sleepily, "Why? I'm still tired…" Sam started towards Frodo, "Cause if you don't Gandalf will…" Sam whispered something in Frodo's ear. Frodo opened his eyes suddenly and threw off the covers and helped Sam drag a sleeping Merry out his bed. "What's going on here!" Merry said half asleep angry at the rude awakening; Frodo and Sam paid no attention to his protests and dragged Merry towards the stairs to go find Aragorn; they hoped he could protect them from Gandalf. Merry started yelling, "stop this! Frodo I'm going to have rug burn all down my back! Just let me go back to bed!" Merry tried to kick off Frodo, and Sam's hold on his ankles, the two hobbits ignored him and only tightened their grip. Merry continued to plead with his captors "Aw, come on Sam, Let Me –OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!-OW!" Merry was dragged down the stairs…

Aragorn was eating some blue, yellow, and purple berries for breakfast when he was suddenly clobbered by two Hobbits yelling "Save us!" After struggling to remove the hobbits that were clinging to him he noticed that Merry was there too, laying on the floor muttering and rubbing the back of his head, he was glaring at Frodo and Sam. Aragorn realized just then that Sam was soaking wet and that both of them were still in their pajamas…"What have you been up to?" Sam explained to Aragorn what had happened. Aragorn nodded, I won't let Gandalf hurt you, but where is Pippin? Frodo, Sam, and Merry exchanged a three-way glance and then shrugged their shoulders in unison like hobbits do best.

The answer to Aragorn's question was that when Pippin ran out of the room he had run to the bathroom and barricaded himself inside in a panic, Pippin was currently shivering in a corner of the small bathroom… the fellowship soon found out where Pippin was when Legolas couldn't get into the bathroom and caused quite a racket. Legolas kept screaming something about Pippin disrupting his conditioning schedule; only Legolas' version of it contained many "bleeps" which reduced some of Irene's plants to a truly pitiful state. Aragorn was amazed; he had never heard someone curse in Sindarian, Dwarfish, Common speech, and Quenya in a single breath.

Pippin remained cloistered in the bathtub until the entire fellowship was ready to leave that is except Boromir; he was still searching for his socks. Aragorn gave up persuading and bribing Pippin, and turned to Gandalf, "Just get him out of there." Aragorn pleaded. Gandalf walked up to the door of the bathroom and said clearly in a booming voice, "Peregrin Took! You get out here this instant or I will tell Aragorn just what your middle name is!" Frodo piped up "Ooo! Tell me too Gandalf! tell me too!" Gandalf yelled to the still closed door, "And I'll tell Frodo too!" There was the sound of heavy furniture sliding across tile then a curly haired head popped out of the door, eyes wide with terror. Aragorn hated to have Gandalf blackmail the hobbit but it was the only way sometimes.

Before the fellowship left castle Roogna Ivy, Dolph, and Electra had some parting gifts for them. Ivy began the ceremony (if you could call it that) and stepped up to Boromir and handed him a pair of socks, they were blue, with stripes…Boromir hated stripes…but he didn't say anything; he was grateful for the socks.

Dolph took his turn next and went to Merry and Pippin to them he presented a toaster. (Grey had won it from some mundane contest and he gave it to Dolph for some odd reason just to get rid of it, now Dolph was just passing the toaster along) Merry and Pippin had never before seen a mundane toaster and were intrigued. Pippin squealed with delight when the toaster went "boing" and would pop out the toast (if there was any toast in the toaster, but there wasn't so it just went boing that's all) Merry looked at Dolph with a face that showed true appreciation, "Sir, that's…that's the best gift anyone's ever given me!" Merry hugged Dolph and began to cry with happiness. Dolph stood there awkwardly for a moment patting Merry on the back hesitantly giving Ivy a look that said, "Help!" Ivy just giggled. Soon enough Merry released the prince and he moved back so that Electra could give her gift.

Electra stepped forward towards Legolas and handed him a box. Legolas looked at it and gasped. Legolas hurriedly read the label on the box and let out a piercing squeal of glee. As everyone else in the room clapped their hands over their ears the elf began bouncing around holding the box. "Oh, Thankyou-thankyou-thankyou! It's just what I've always wanted! Legolas stopped briefly deep in thought, wait, no…that's not what I've always wanted, because that's the Herbal Essences limited edition shampoo in the translucent blue bottle…" Legolas snapped back to reality, "But this is second on my list! YAY!" Legolas went over to Electra and scooped her up in a big hug and kissed her on the cheek, "Oh thankyou-thankyou-thankyou! I just love it!" the elf said still squeezing Electra. Dolph looked ready to kill…Electra blushed, " Oh shush, it's just some junk we dug out of Grey's old closet, and anyhow it's all mundane stuff that we don't use here." Aragorn was curious; "what is it?" he asked. Legolas blurted it out in the exact manner of a child who has memorized the name of a toy they want for Christmas, "It's a Super-Duper-Teflon-Double-Hinged-Triple-Deluxe-Waffle-Iron!" and with that he began twirling around happily with his new waffle iron as if it were his dance partner. Sam looked at the waffle iron adoringly; he did always have a soft spot for cookware.

It was Ivy's turn to give a gift again and this time she handed Aragorn a large globe, it was pink and had three smallish holes in it in a triangle pattern. Ivy acted as if it was heavy. She handed it to Aragorn who looked down at it happily surprised in a polite way before looking confused…"What in the heck is it?" he said looking back at Ivy. Ivy shrugged he shoulders just a bewildered. "Grey said something about it being a bowl ball, but it doesn't look like a bowl too me" Dolph said. Aragorn smiled and thanked them politely.

It was Dolph's turn now and he presented Gandalf with a book entitled: "Collage Algebra" Gandalf was thrilled, He was convinced it was a book full of ancient runes from some ancient lost civilization of orcs or something…Gandalf swept off to a corner and muttering things under his breath as he started to translate the "runes".

Electra went to Sam and handed him a small box. Sam open the small box to find shining metal wires that had all been bent into a beautiful uniform swirling shape. The fellowship all crowded around Sam to get a look at this treasure (except Gandalf, he was still busy translating "orc runes") "What are they?" asked Frodo in wonder at the shiny bits. Electra answered them the best she could, " the box says "paper-clips" but they aren't any paper clippings in there so I'm assuming they got put in the wrong box…

After the commotion about Sam's gift had died down Ivy came forward for the last time and gave Frodo a strip of red shiny-ish material, it was pointed on both ends with one end being wider and tapering down to the other, "Ooo! It's a- it's a…um what is it? Ivy responded cheerfully, "Why it's a tie!" Frodo looked down at the strip of cloth, "oh…yeah of course it's a tie!" trying to show he knew what a tie was he promptly tied the tie around his waist as a belt and thanked Ivy for the fine gift.

If anybody had been watching they would have seen a very odd party leaving castle Roogna that day. The entire company was lead by Gandalf; Gandalf always led whether he knew where he was going or not, it was just one of those things that never change. What had changed today was the fact that the wizard had no clue where he was going because he had his big fat nose in a book. And since none of the Fellowship were very bright they just followed the blundering wizard along the enchanted path. Gandalf was followed Legolas who was still hugging his new Waffle Iron. Next came Frodo with a tie for a belt, then Sam who was busily fashioning a paperclip necklace. Merry and Pippin lagged a little bit behind Sam; Merry and Pippin constantly bushing the button on the side of the toaster to hear it go boing once more, when it did go boing both hobbits giggled with delight. Boromir followed the giggling hobbits wearing his new blue striped socks, all the others had "disappeared". Finally last was Aragorn lugging a pink bowling ball muttering to himself; "Useless chunk of…." Aragorn paused and looked at the bowling ball he held... "What is it made of?" Aragorn stopped muttering curses at his bowling ball and started inspecting it as he walked.

They didn't encounter anybody else on the path that day and they soon found a place to rest for the night. Aragorn looked at the little campsite, there was a cheery stream trickling nearby and a small shelter, and there was also a shelf with small tin cups and plates. Aragorn looked around at the surrounding foliage, there was an odd bush bearing pies, another one with pillows and a third with blankets; Ivy had told him about all these plants. Aragorn took one more glance around taking in the entire scene…it was rather pretty he thought…it was a pity, because tomorrow it would be trashed…with waffle night it just didn't stand a chance.


	5. Waffle Night: the True Meaning of Life

**Chapter 5- Waffle Night the True Meaning of Life…**

_Summary of chapter 5: _Waffle night…Merry and Pippin spike the waffle batter and Pippin discovers he likes wearing a "kilt" and we find out who is the manliest.

After the fellowship had settled down a bit the hobbits dashed off into the forest for a moment. When the Sam, Frodo, and Merry had returned they carried bundles of grass and leaves and some dead vines. Aragorn and Sam exchanged a glance and Aragorn immediately understood what they were up to, Aragon sat down next to the busy hobbits and started to work…

Meanwhile

Pippin wasn't too far from camp but he was out of sight, this was mostly due to the thick forest. Pippin was searching for something…. "How hard can it be to find some nice green grass around here?" he mumbled in frustration Frodo, Merry and Sam had been satisfied with some regular grass and leaves but Pippin wanted something more special. He pushed a couple of harmless bushes out of the way and found a small patch of tall green luxurious grass, it looked as if someone had tended to it with utmost care. Pippin hastily and unceremoniously yanked several handfuls out of the ground and continued back to camp following the far off sounds of people chatting around the fire.

In about half an hour after Pippin had returned to the camp each of the fellowship had successfully created a grass hula skirt…Pippin's was the brightest green. To great applause Legolas brought out the waffle iron and put it over the small campfire to warm up. While Legolas and Boromir went about making some waffle batter Merry and Pippin were sitting on a log side by side muttering in hushed voices at the edge of the firelight; "What ya got in mind?" Pippin asked Merry curious. Merry looked around to make sure no one was watching them and pulled a small bottle out of his pocket of the Shire's best (And most potent) liquor; "are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Merry asked mischievously. Pippin looked thoughtful, "Yes Merry, but how exactly are we going to find a giant potato to eat Frodo?" Merry smacked Pippin on the back of his head. "You idiot! Were going to spike the waffle batter! Not find a giant, yam or whatever to eat Frodo!" " It was a potato" Pippin corrected. Merry was frustrated "whatever I don't care what is going to eat Frodo! Anyways, back to the plan, you go and distract Boromir and Legolas so I can get to the batter. Pippin nodded, it wasn't as good as his giant potato idea but it would have to due he thought as he walked casually towards the area where Legolas and Boromir were mixing the waffle batter.

Pippin hadn't come up for an idea to distract the elf and man when something pinched his leg…He looked down, there wasn't any bushes, what had pinched him? Something pinched him again! Pippin spun around to see if what was pinching him was behind him…nothing was there… just then something pinched him twice quick succession and he yelped. Legolas and Boromir looked at the hobbit that by now was dancing around jerkily and yelling "Ow!-Ow!-Ow!-Ow!" As funny as it was they knew something was wrong. "What's wrong Pippin?" Legolas asked him halfway between worry and mirth. Pippin still yelping in pain at random times yelled "ITS EATING ME!" Legolas was truly confused… "What's eating you?" The elf asked thinking the hobbit had once again ate too many mushrooms. Pippins cried back "THE HULA SKIRT IS EATING ME! AHHH!"Ppoor Pippin had the misfortune of finding carnivorous grass for his skirt. Legolas went over to Aragorn sitting by the fire. Aragorn was trying his best to ignore the screaming hobbit…Legolas sat next to Aragorn; "Pippin's had too many mushrooms again" Aragorn nodded, "So?" Legolas looked impatient, "So get him that tea stuff to calm him down and get him back to normal; you can't ignore him forever you know!"

Aragorn sighed and reluctantly went to fetch his pack with all his healing medicines in it. After searching through the jars and packets he found the one he needed and sprinkled some of the leaves from the jar into a cup of hot water. When the tea was ready Aragorn yelled a Pippin, "Oi! Pippin, come and drink your tea!" Pippin yelled back still running around the camp, "What do I need tea for! I don't need tea! I need this hula skirt to stop eating me!" Aragorn exchanged a significant glance with Legolas before they both ran after the hobbit tackling him to the ground. Aragorn managed to grab Pippin's arms and hold them behind his back while Legolas pinched Pippin's nose forcing the hobbit to open his mouth, Legolas poured the tea in. Pippin choked and sputtered before succeeding in gagging down the tea.

Aragorn and Legolas immediately let the hobbit free once he had swallowed the last of the tea. Pippin glared at them flinching every now and then from the pinches, "What was that for? I haven't had any mushrooms!" Aragorn gave Pippin an unbelieving look. Pippin faltered, "Well, so what if I had a few…that's not the problem! It's this darned skirt thing! It's trying to eat me!" At that Pippin started yelling in frustration and ripping at the innocent looking grass that was his skirt.

Legolas and Aragorn took a step back in surprise at the small hobbit's fury towards the organic item of clothing. Pippin, now shredding the harmless looking grass cursing wrathfully, was unaware of the fact that he was now only clad in his underwear from the waist down due to his neglect to put on shorts underneath his hula skirt.

Aragorn once again paranoid about Gandalf and his idiosyncrasy with nudity ran to the clothing tree near the small camp and looked around for a pair of breeches that were hobbit-sized. Aragorn could still hear the fierce curses of Pippin as he discovered that this particular tree had no breeches ripe at this time. Knowing all along pippin would murder him for it he hastily grabbed a pink dress, after all he couldn't take the purple one (Purple was sooo not Pippin's color)

Completely unaware he had been dragged away from the sorry remains of his skirt and the fact Legolas and Aragorn had slipped the dress on over his head Pippin calmed down enough to realize that something felt different…it wasn't a bad feeling, just odd. It was his clothing; it clung to him differently. Pippin looked down and shrieked. He was wearing a pink gown, complete with matching handbag (courtesy of Legolas) but then as suddenly as he had started screaming he stopped and looked down again…this wasn't so bad actually he thought…he twirled in a circle looking at his new outfit; in fact it was better than his normal clothing…that vest always did make him look fat…

Aragorn and Legolas were slack jawed as they realized Pippin wasn't going to try and maim them. Deciding not to question their good fortune Legolas went back to the waffle preparations and Aragorn returned to his seat next to the fire, leaving Pippin to his preening.

Merry hurried over to Pippin to congratulate him on his great distraction of Legolas when he caught a glimpse of his fellow hobbit and stopped a few yards away, "Whoa!" Pippin turned to Merry, "What's wrong?" he asked sincerely. Merry blinked…did Pippin know he was wearing a dress? A very girly one at that…Merry cleared his throat "um…it's just that it's very pink…" Pippin looked down at his dress, " I suppose it is…but over all it's a nice kilt." Merry almost choked trying not to laugh…that…A kilt! Pippin looked at Merry suspiciously as he coughed in a strange manner and hurried off.

Boromir couldn't help but notice the laughing hobbit that had collapsed on the pile of packs. Intrigued at what was so funny has asked Merry what was going on. Merry laughed harder at the thought that Boromir didn't already know; "It's Giggle Pippins new, 'Kilt' Snort" Boromir left the mirthful hobbit just as confused if not more than before. Thinking vaguely of finding his socks he pushed the issue of the hysterical hobbit to the back of his mind as he walked off.

Boromir was just checking the nearby shrubbery for his socks when a hobbit bumped in to him; it was Pippin he could tell by the sound of his mumbled apology. He stood up and turned towards him to say that no apology was necessary when he finally realized what was so funny about Pippins "Kilt" the shocking pink article of apparel was something truly humorous when worn by the hobbit that was utterly confused about what was so funny about it. Before Boromir could think about this matter further he heard the joyous out cry in the camp that could mean only one thing: waffles.

Supper was a happy occasion they each ate their stack of waffles with enthusiasm. Even legolas who normally didn't eat much usually (he was watching his figure) downed at least 15 of the crispy squares. There was silence as they ate, but from then on things got consistently louder throughout the evening; this was no doubt because Merry's plan. After they has all eaten their way through the enormous pile of waffles the entire fellowship was quite obviously drunk. But this wasn't normal "drunk" in Xanth they don't slur their words or stumble, they just act really, really stupid.

Gandalf stood on the table singing some strange dwarven song and dancing wildly in only his hula skirt. Gimli had gotten his banjo out and was accompanying him, but was strumming it to an entirely different tune. Sam had decided to "dance"; he was skipping around the camp with paperclips in his hair while Pippin was attempting to throw pies at him and giggling insanely. (He had gotten the pies from the pie tree provided for the camp.) Needless to say Pippin's aim was simply horrible and random pies were strewn all over the camp, and all over those who occupied it. Frodo had most of a banana crème pie on his head still, while Aragorn had the remains of a cherry pie on his backside. Frodo was telling bad jokes to Aragorn and laughing ridiculously loud. Aragorn was completelty-ignoring Frodo all together; he was talking to a tree he kept referring to as "Arwen". At least Aragorn was better than Legolas, Legolas had a bucket on his head and kept running around while making whooshing noises and yelling, "To infinity and Beyond!" Every once in a while he would stop and tap his left wrist then bring it close to his face and say something like "Buzz Light-year to Star-command!" or " we have just landed on a strange planet inhabited by hula monkeys".

Aragorn was explaining to "Arwen" why toads didn't exist, when Legolas jumped in front of him his aiming his wrist at him and yelling "beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep!" Aragorn looked confusedly at the elf. Legolas explained, "your dead now." Aragorn didn't think he was dead, "No I'm not!" Legolas rose is voice in desperation "your dead!" Once again Aragorn countered "Nuh-uh!" "Yes your dead! Legolas said, Cause I say so and I'm Buzz Lightyear!" Aragorn snorted, "But I'm king and way more manly than you! and I say I'm not dead." "Nuh-uh!" Legolas said decisively, "Uh-huh!" Aragorn yelled. "Then prove it!" Legolas yelled back.

Aragorn rummaged in his pack till he found a jar two jars of pickles and set them on the table avoiding where Gandalf was dancing still. Legolas sat down across from Aragorn and they glared at each other. (A/N: cue western shoot-out music) Aragorn said stiffly "Rules: you can use only your hands, first one to open the jar is more manly…. Ready? Go!" Legolas and Aragorn both grabbed the jars and tried to unscrew the lids. Grimaces spread across their faces as they pulled and twisted with no results. After about three minutes Legolas had gotten a good grip on the lid and was making progress slowly. Aragorn saw this and tried harder to open his pickle jar but it was too late as with a cry of glee Legolas managed to free his jar of its lid. "Yes!" Legolas yelled, doing a little victory dance around Aragorn who was pounding his head on the table chanting, "no-no-no-no-no-no-no- NO!" Legolas had forgotten what they were arguing about in the first place and just continued dancing and yelling how he was manlier than Aragorn. (A/N: I had no idea that manlier was even a word but it was on spell check.) "How will I ever face Arwen?" Aragorn moped, turning around he saw the tree and screamed. "Alas why must you have stayed and watch my defeat by the nancy elf…I'm so sooorrry!" He yelled hiding his face from the tree.


End file.
